say it

I left my home-school co-op last Friday, had lunch with the family, and returned with the Eldest for her afternoon Art Class. When we got back to the Community Center, another home-school mom told me about a 40 year old man that fell over in the gym right after we left for home. Another one of the moms tried to do CPR for the first 10 minutes and when the Fire Dept arrived, they worked on him for another 10 minutes. Sadly, there was no pulse for those 20 minutes. I don't know what happened to the man; he was transported to the hospital. He had come to the gym to shoot hoops with a friend on his lunch break. This friend was overheard calling the wife. Can you imagine getting the call? "There's been an accident. We think your husband might have had a heart attack. The paramedics are working on him right now and they will be taking him to the hospital in a few minutes. You need to meet us in the ER."
Of course we all talked about it... who wouldn't? We hugged and chatted and cried. We spent a few minutes really looking at each other drawing comfort from one another- because a man we didn't know, but who was sharing our small space, may have just passed.
It is an interesting experience to be that close to death. People have a strong urge to share and say things they might not otherwise say. It strips us bare and lays us open to be real and honest and emotional. We are allowed to come undone. A lot of people walk around just barely holding it together, me included most days. Death comes and out go our pretenses and inhibitions and we have permission to not hold it together anymore.

One of the moms, someone I have rarely spoken to, shared that she was planning an elaborate 40th birthday party for her husband next week. "Why can't we celebrate people we love more often? Why have I been to so many funerals this year and that's when I find out how this person has touched and changed people; when I learn that they influenced friends and strangers and helped make our world a beautiful place?" It's a shame. A crying shame. Why can't we celebrate people more? Why don't we break bread with friends more often and be intimate and vulnerable and tell people how much we love them? Why does it have to be a heart-felt truth whispered over a coffin when it should have been said days, months, years ago? When it could have made a difference? When it could have been received and appreciated? When it could have healed and reconciled and encouraged?

Don't wait. Please don't wait anymore. Go say what you need to say. Open yourself up and tell them. You know who it is. Please, please, please don't live with a regret. Say more. Do more. Share more. Laugh more. Hug more. Look in to your world's eyes and speak truth and love and hope and thanks. No more excuses. No more fears. Get over yourself and say what you need to say.