day o' beauty

the days have flown by...

I began the day with a drink made by my new favorite barista. Of course it helps that it is brought to me at bedside, made to order. I have been waking each morning to daylight peering through the blinds and breakfast in bed. And sweet baby Lewis to greet me with good morning romps and begs for food.

This morning we took off quite early for a bit of relaxation time. We headed north to Peterhead, Scotland, just on the northeastern coastline. We passed through acres of farmland, sprawling green landscape with ancient stone houses littering the fields. It was a wet, foggy morning and it took me by surprise when we rounded a bend and saw the North Sea rolling in. R grew up in Peterhead. I caught my breath as we pulled in and were greeted by an old, brilliant lighthouse just a stone's throw from his doorstep. It was magnificent.
We dropped off sweet Lewis with grandmother and raced back to spa we had passed on the way up. R and I each had a massage, facial, and pedicure, a quick swim in the pool and yummy lunch.

I had warned R that I always, always cry during or just following a massage. And to put if off, I had the facial first and then the massage. But, surprisingly, I lost it following the facial and before the massage...
here's how it went:
I had made it up in mind to take full advantage of this rare treat. I wanted to pay particular attention to my breathing and body. A few minutes into the treatment, I began long, deep breaths. Gradually I put a mantra with each intake and exhalation.
IN relax
OUT goodbye tension
IN relax
OUT goodbye sadness
IN peace and happiness
OUT tightness
IN joy
OUT anxiety
IN grace
OUT failure
IN thanksgiving
OUT loneliness
IN healing and wholeness
OUT regrets
IN friendship and love
OUT grief and pain
IN grace
IN peace
IN love
IN freedom
IN freedom
IN freedom

...and soon these words in my mind became like a fountain, welling from deep in my gut and bursting up out of my head and running down my face and hands. It was like I was a child joyously caught in an unexpected shower and all I could do was smile and close my eyes and live in it, spin in it, dance in it, washing me, cleansing me, filling me. With the exhale I watched from my mind's eye the banners of sadness, guilt, worry, regret, being caught in a fierce wind, pulled from the pole and blown away. I would whisper 'goodbye' to each of the words and return to the fountain.

Bless the poor therapist who walked in on the wreck I had become within a matter of 4 minutes. She left me tranquil and I hit my emotional tantrum. I think I was quick to recover though which I think she appreciated very much.

What a glorious and complex thing our mind is. I was thinking as I lay on the table how she must have thought I was in a coma... so evenly breathing, the hint of smile crossing my lips, so relaxed and still. Serene by all appearances. And yet, inside, a battle was calmly and silently raging. Opposing sides attempting to stake claim on open territory. The dirty and evil threatening a hostile take over verses the sweet and holy seedlings of life, struggling to send roots into our heart's rich, yet uncultivated soil.
I was reminded during the massage that the most relaxing massage motion is the opposing movement of two hands: moving towards tailbone and neck or outward, toward shoulder blades. Likewise, between the warring sides of the heart, in the middle, where you stand and listen or you stand and cover your ears and hum, there is clarity and stillness. There is light. There is healing.

unreachable

Hey all.
my email is not working properly here so I am using an alternate address... if you want to email me directly try gingeramyteague@gmail.com and I will get it. Since I can't access my email I don't have anyone's individual addresses either. So, KATHY, email me there. OK?
love
A

take me away

i'm here. i'm safe. i am warm and cozy and gaining weight by the minute.

besides a quick dash to the airport at the last minute and a minor run-in with immigration, i am here, safe and warm. To beat the arrival of Hurricane Ike in Houston, I left a day earlier than planned. Which means I left a whole lot of stuff at home. Thankfully, I made it with clean unmentionables, books, sweaters, and whatever else that didn't make it, can be borrowed from R and R.

Today I slept until 10am (which never happens, but keep in mind it was 4am to my body so it doesn't sound that indulgent, does it?) I had a leisurely breakfast of buttery crumpets and tea, showered, read, cooked, and then had a fabulous espresso and chocolate biscuit.

We are going to the movie tonight. And tomorrow, we are going to a nearby castle for a 'Festival of Pipes'- no silly, not those pipes... bag pipes. kilts. moors. friends. heaven...

I will post regularly and hopefully with pictures. miss you Mr T and wish you were here with a kilt on too.