the unexplained: part 2

so the limp has gone away.....

Not sure why or how. I have enjoyed two days of watching Baby Jack run like mad through sprinklers, fields of clover, and my back yard. He is unstoppable and maniacal. I am surprised by his energy bursts and his inevitable crashes.
He comes in waves. I guess with a disease like this, and necessary meds, I have learn to live in the peaceful moments and tirelessly tread the rough waters of the lows.

I was listening to my friend talk about her new baby, how easy and congenial he is. My spirit took a plummet as I remembered Baby Jack as an infant. There just wasn't a sweeter baby. He was content and peaceful and easy going. He was a great sleeper and eater. I don't remember ever complaining about him- maybe I did, but I really don't remember anything but sweetness. I could have just eaten him.
So listening to my friend brag on her baby made me ache. I was overwhelmed with all the feelings I have about Baby Jack. He is so frustrating and wild. He is defiant and his behavior is embarrassing. Some days I just want to get away from him. I am worn out with being rammed and pulled on. My legs are bruised. I feel layers of guilt about how I feel. I don't want to not want to be with him. I want to be patient and long suffering and loving. I want self control and tenderness. It seems the only time I can croon over him is when he is asleep. He is still. His breathing is even and rhythmical. He looks so precious and whole.

My sweet, sweet Baby Jack.