It's quiet. Silence is rare in this crazy house full of kids and music and life. I go into a kind of shock and start twitching- not sure what to do with myself. I feel like I should get in to a yoga position and try to meditate, but the silence is fleeting and once I am in position, I am distracted by the tightness of my pants or that I am having a difficult time breathing because my large momma boobs are up around my face, smothering me. And then I start in with the negative self talk that I should have gotten my weight under control by now and that the "I've just had a baby" excuse was tired about 20 months ago.
Silence is uncomfortable. I am intimidated by it. I feel like I should have profound and reflective thoughts. I don't. It's empty up there, just some spare change rattling around in my head.
I am easily distracted. I wonder sometimes if I have ADHD. If I try to get up early in the morning and to have quiet time, I have a million distractions, mainly in my head. I go through the to do lists and must have's and cravings and quickly spin in to a state of anything but quiet and relaxed.
Are all moms this way? Please tell me I am not alone. Please tell me that one day I will reach a place of enlightenment, of nothingness, of stillness in my head, if even for 60 seconds.
1 comment:
You are not alone, I am just impressed that you actually get up and try to have quiet time, right now I can't get out of bed until my kids push me out. I agree, the moments of silence are strange and rare and fleeting. What feels like 30 minutes is really three hours.
Love ya,
h
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